


i'd love to be holding you tight (i guess i'll just go crazy tonight)

by love_killed_the_superstar



Series: the debt of our time [4]
Category: W.I.T.C.H.
Genre: C.H.Y.K.N. Era, F/F, Relationship Advice, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-20
Updated: 2019-05-20
Packaged: 2020-03-08 09:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18892276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_killed_the_superstar/pseuds/love_killed_the_superstar
Summary: In the aftermath of a heated argument, Halinor and Kadma seek out some subtle relationship advice from their friends.





	i'd love to be holding you tight (i guess i'll just go crazy tonight)

**Author's Note:**

> Long time no kalinor!! It's been like 2 years since the last time I published anything for these two, but rest assured, I've been writing for them. It's just really difficult to finish the fics for some reason.....  
> Anyway, this is a follow up to the valentines day fight these two had in Come And Fill My Empty Arms. The idea that they would confide in their friends about their relationship problems despite nobody knowing the truth about them was funny to me, and I also desperately wanted to write them secretly hugging in a bathroom stall for whatever reason. It feels romantic and intimate to me, I guess.  
> Title is from "It's Raining" by Irma Thomas.

_February 16 th, 1963._

 

The rain was pouring down, and Yan Lin swore she could hear the crashing of waves all the way from The Silver Dragon. The restaurant was closed, not due to open until 5pm, and she was taking the chance to get her homework done since her parents were insistent she couldn't hide away from customers regardless of if she had any group projects due. Fortunately, remedial math was fairly easy, and she wasn't one to complain about wanting to achieve more, like Kadma. Perhaps that made her strange, but the only real ambition she had was to stay close to her family. And, of course, to protect the worlds under the control of Kandrakar as the guardian of air.

The end of her record jolted her from her thoughts, and she changed it over to Irma Thomas. At that moment, her mother called down.

“Yan Lin! Your friend is here to visit!”

Yan Lin blinked. Her friends hadn't made plans to meet up since Valentines Day. Perhaps Cassidy was coming to gossip about her date? Or maybe Nerissa was here to play her a new Nerissa Original?

She dragged a comb through her hair quickly before making her way down the corridor to the door separating their home from the restaurant kitchens. More questions arose when she noticed it was none other than Halinor standing beside her mother, looking particularly fidgety.

“Halinor?” she asked, bewildered. Halinor straightened up and smiled.

“Yanny! Um, remember that project we agreed to work on? I brought the materials over!”

Her thoughts broke through to Yan Lin's head.

_I need to talk to you, go along with it._

“Oh. Right! The project!” Yan Lin glanced across at her mother, who seemed unaware of any ulterior motive.

“Well, you girls get on with it, don't forget you're serving for us tonight, Yan Lin,” her mother advised. “I'll bring up some tea in just a minute.”

“Thank you, Mrs Lin,” Halinor said politely, flashing her a charming smile, and Yan Lin's mother fell victim to Halinor's overpowering charisma. She bustled off to prepare some tea, and Yan Lin motioned for Halinor to climb the stairs up to her living area. The moment her bedroom door shut, Halinor exhaled.

“I need to talk to you, Yanny,” she said with another sigh, and Yan Lin could tell immediately that this was something serious. Halinor rarely visited without dropping a telepathic note of warning first, and normally her and Kadma came as a package deal, much like Nerissa and Cassidy did. Yan Lin had never really noticed before that she was usually the third wheel.

“What's wrong? Is it something, um, guardian-related?” she asked with a furrowed brow. It wasn't unheard of for the Oracle to contact Halinor due to her telepathy, or Nerissa since they could communicate through the Heart. Sometimes it was lonely having to wait for instructions.

Halinor shook her head. “No, it's nothing like that. Uh, here, lets set out some books so your mother will think we're working. I know she gets on your case about slacking whenever we come over.”

How thoughtful. Yan Lin splayed a few textbooks out over her desk (surely her mother wouldn't notice the difference between history and geography books) and sat on her bed, allowing Halinor the chair parked at her desk. Halinor ran a hand through her hair, which usually seemed impossibly well kept. The fact that it was wild and windswept, as though she had been too lost in thought to pat it downwards after arriving in the restaurant, was telling in itself.

“Tell me what's wrong? Please?”

“Kadma isn't speaking to me,” Halinor admitted, hands clenching and unclenching. “I've tried telephoning her house, I've tried communicating to her with my telepathy, I even tried knocking but no one answered. She's refusing to talk to me, and... I was just wondering if you've heard anything from her.”

Yan Lin frowned. Kadma and Halinor fighting was such a virtually unheard of event she could scarcely believe it. Sure, they bickered from time to time over things as silly as what to order at a restaurant to unspoken things that she couldn't entirely understand (crushing on the same boy, perhaps?). But normally they bounced back from it in a matter of minutes, or even hours. The silent treatment wasn't normally Kadma's style (she much preferred shooting her mouth off with that sharp tongue of hers) so it was something saved only for the worst of moods. To think she'd use such a weapon on Halinor was jarring.

“I haven't spoken to her since Valentines Day,” Yan Lin admitted. “She came into the bathroom crying. I-I thought it was a boy but she insisted it wasn't.”

“It wasn't,” Halinor confirmed. Then she hesitated. “Well, it was, in a sense. I don't know if I mentioned it to the rest of you, but I told Kadma that Paulie Tubbs had asked me out.”

“Paulie Tubbs?” squeaked Yan Lin. He was dorky and fair-haired, with a total heart of gold. While he wasn't in her tastes, she figured Halinor would get on well with him. “He wanted you to be his valentine?!”

“Well, yes,” Halinor admitted with a deep frown. She bit her knuckle for a moment. “It wasn't anything fancy, just watching drag races down near the beach. I ended up turning him down, and when Kadma found out... well, she was angry.”

“Why did you turn him down?” Yan Lin pressed, wide-eyed and bursting with curiosity. It was commonplace for Cassidy to gush about her love life, but Halinor was much more reserved, popular as she was with the boys at Sheffield. “And what does this have to do with Kadma?”

“Well, I knew it would make her unhappy,” Halinor explained, folding her arms with a sigh. “But, when I told her that, it just made her even more upset.”

“D-Does she...? Does _Kadma_ like _Paulie_?!” This was more scandalous than Yan Lin had possibly imagined. Kadma, ever the headstrong, 'I-don't-need-a-man' type, falling head over heels for a square like Paulie Tubbs?!

Halinor looked up, confused for a moment, before nodding quickly. “Yes! Yes, I... I suppose... she does.” She chewed her lip. “But, um, either way, I wasn't interested in going out with him. I told her that I didn't want to go, but she seemed furious that I'd blown off the date. And now... she won't talk to me.”

“Well, Kadma is very proud,” Yan Lin reasoned. “She probably didn't like that you blew off the date to spend time with her instead, even if she _does_ like Paulie.”

“Well, I wanted to spend time with her!” Halinor exclaimed. “...Or, I'd much rather be in her company than Paulie's. He's not my type. At all.”

“Oh, and Kadma is?” Yan Lin joked. Halinor appeared stricken. Quickly, Yan Lin backtracked. “Wait, it was a joke! Of course I'm not saying you're a _queer_ or anything, Halinor.”

Halinor frowned and rose to her feet, pushing back the chair with a scrape and leaning against it for support.

“Thanks,” she muttered miserably. “The point is, I don't want to hurt her. But now she won't even speak to me.”

“These things have a way of working themselves out,” Yan Lin offered, although it felt forced, hollow. After all, a lifetime of Kadma and Halinor rarely if ever fighting hadn't prepared her for what would happen when they _did,_ or how to navigate such an improbable timeline. “Trust me, Halinor. The two of you will heal from this somehow.”

She opened her arms for a hug and Halinor moved like a flame on the wind into her embrace. Halinor sighed, a deep, sad sound.

“I hope so,” she murmured. “I really can't stand this.”

 

…

 

Kadma usually stewed in her anger when she was fighting with the others, but a fight with Halinor was unheard of. It was almost comical seeing the reaction, Nerissa mused as she brought two cups of tea through to her bedroom. Cassidy trailed behind with a mug of cocoa and a plate of pink wafers.

Kadma was lying on Nerissa's bed, staring dully into space. Her hair was tied back in a messy braid instead of its usual high ponytail, and her face was pinched.

“Wow, it's like she's broken,” Cassidy remarked. “Don't think I've ever seen you _this_ down on your luck, Kadma.”

“I think I've ruined everything,” she groaned.

“If I didn't know any better I'd say this was about a boy,” Nerissa deadpanned. “But this is _you_ we're talking about.”

“I guess it is,” Kadma said with a mournful sigh. “Halinor got invited out on Valentine's day and turned it down.”

“Yeah, this makes no sense. Why'd she do that? If _I_ had to pick between a date and a pity party with friends for the most romantic night of the year, I know what I'd pick.”

Kadma frowned, burying her cheek a little more into Nerissa's pillow.

“Halinor isn't like that.”

“Yes. For whatever reason, she'd rather spend time with you. Who was the unlucky guy, anyway?”

Kadma mumbled something into the pillow, and Nerissa set down the tray on her bedside table and leaned in.

“I can't hear you.”

“Paulie. Tubbs,” she ground out.

Nerissa snorted.

“Okay, okay, well it's starting to make more sense now.”

“Hey, no need to knock Paulie! Sure, he's a bit of a square, but in a cherry way. I think he and Halinor would be sweet together!”

“Urgh, shut _up,_ Cassidy,” groaned Kadma.

“Yeah, give Halinor some credit,” scowled Nerissa. “She could do much better than Paulie Tubbs.”

“Hey, I offered to set her up with Herbert Olsen, she said no!” Cassidy pointed out, pouting.

“Because his family owns a pet shop and she has a dog hair allergy.”

Well, that was far from the reason, but Kadma was too distracted to even smile inwardly at that. Above all, she was afraid. She had always been convinced that Halinor and her were on the same side, despite all their differences. She had always been convinced that even if they didn't always understand each other's feelings, Halinor could never _hate_ her. But they'd argued, they'd made a scene at a restaurant, and Kadma had... pretty much thrown a present at her. Christ, the thought made her cringe.

Kadma submerged herself fully in the pillow despairingly, only rousing again when Nerissa prodded her.

“Hey, no dying on us. At least tell us what the fight was about, cause Halinor deciding to go stag with you isn't a good enough reason. Was it a dumb pride thing? Like you thought she was pitying you or something?”

“Of course not! I know I can be a fool like that sometimes, but...”

Cassidy crunched on a wafer thoughtfully, warm cocoa in hand, before something seemed to click in her mind. She gasped and sat up straighter, uttering, “Oh, god! I just realised, it all makes sense now!”

“What? Geez, Cassidy, you nearly spilt your cocoa,” Nerissa scolded, taking her own cup of tea and taking a sip. “What epiphany did you come to?”

“The reason Kadma's upset! Don't you understand? _Halinor_ isn't the one who likes Paulie.”

Nerissa's face contorted.

“Kadma?! _You're_ into a square like Tubbs?”

Kadma bolted upright indignantly.

“What?! Of course not, I-!”

“You were jealous because he asked Halinor instead of you, and then she had the nerve to turn down your crush and spend valentine's day with you instead. Even if she didn't mean to upset you, it's a real screw up,” Cassidy sighed, shaking her head. “Poor Kadma.”

“I _promise_ you that's not it,” Kadma began, but now Nerissa had joined in.

“I get it now. The reason you never really talk about boys with us. It's because you secretly like the panty waist types, huh?”

Kadma frowned.

“...I just wish she'd be honest with me about why she does stuff like this,” she muttered. If she'd simply admitted it was a date, admitted she'd _rejected_ a date, in order to spend time with Kadma... but of course, Halinor wouldn't, not while they were playing this risky little game where they pushed against the boundaries without ever taking a step forward.

As much as it hurt, Kadma couldn't be angry at her for being afraid. It wasn't like it was _safe_ for either of them to be like this, after all. Self-preservation was key, and she couldn't fault Halinor for being afraid to take her hand at such a confusing time.

“She probably didn't want to hurt your feelings,” Cassidy suggested. “But wow, what a crappy way to go about it.”

Kadma buried her face back into the pillow again.

 

…

 

The plans were all set into motion when Halinor made her way down to the Silver Dragon on the evening of the 18th. Not that she knew it, of course, until she pushed open the door and saw dark hair pulled up into a ponytail instead of down and flowing like Nerissa liked.

At the sound of the door, Kadma turned around, eyes meeting Halinor's from across the room, dark and unreadable.

“Evening, Halinor.”

Halinor appeared startled, frozen in place by Kadma's piercing gaze for a few moments before remembering how to put one foot in front of the other again and moving towards the table.

“...Hi,” she uttered, taking off her coat. “I, um. I was under the impression I was meeting Nerissa here.”

“Funny,” Kadma said flatly. “I was told I was meeting Cassidy. I think we've been played for fools.”

“Our friends mean well,” Halinor said with a sigh, shaking her head. “It's high time we talked about this, I suppose.”

Kadma pinched the bridge of her nose. “Well, I did suspect something like this would happen, so I ordered for us already.”

“Oh?”

“Spring rolls, hot and sour soup, and roast duck with sesame noodles.”

Halinor smiled faintly.

“My favourites. You really feel bad about all this, huh?”

Leaning forward, Kadma met Halinor's eyes.

“Of course I feel bad. I shouldn't have made a scene.”

“I think you were within your right.” Halinor reached over to pour herself a glass of water from the pitcher set up on the table, and Kadma caught sight of the bracelet she'd made for Halinor's valentines gift, tied securely around her wrist. “This whole situation is frustrating.”

Kadma swallowed and nodded.

“I just... I wish it wasn't as friends. Our valentines day.”

Halinor's heart thudded.

“What?”

“Don't make me say it,” Kadma pleaded. “You know what I'm like, Hal. You could have gone on a date and you chose to spend it with me and that _means_ something. Doesn't it mean something?”

“It does,” Halinor said softly. Her hand moved a little closer, the tips of her fingers grazing against Kadma's. “But I'm not sure _what_ it means, K. I mean, we – we're both girls. Nothing good can come from that.”

“I know that,” muttered Kadma. “But it doesn't change the way I feel. And the way you keep tangling me up in your love life, and then kissing me, what exactly am I supposed to think about us, Halinor?”

“I know.” Halinor looked as miserable as Kadma felt, nursing her glass of water in her hands uncomfortably. “I'm sorry for being a coward.”

“You're not a coward!” Kadma burst out. “And even if you were, that doesn't matter to me, okay? I _like_ -”

“Yoo-hoo!”

Kadma and Halinor both jumped as Yanny appeared, seemingly from nowhere, with a plate of spring rolls.

“Are the two of you, ah... working things out?” she asked hopefully, setting the plate down between them. Kadma stared daggers at her, while Halinor simply looked put out by the interruption.

“We're doing fine, Yanny,” she said firmly.

“At the end of the day, you know, he's just a boy. Friendship is much stronger than-”

“We know that,” Kadma snapped.

Yan Lin stood there for a few moments, glancing between them, before uttering, “I, um, should be getting back to the kitchens.”

She hurried away, and Halinor sighed.

“You didn't have to be short with her, you know. They're trying to help.”

“Well, they don't understand! And I was trying to say something really important to you!”

“It's okay, Kadma. We don't need to say anything more about it, do we? If we're on the same page?”

Halinor watched her anxious eyes, blue as sapphires, bearing her entire soul for a brief moment. The feeling that coursed through Kadma when those eyes were hers alone to see was dizzying; she gulped in air, took in fistfuls of her skirt.

“I... I guess we don't need to say anything more at all.”

They began to eat, an awkward silence falling over them.

_I still can't believe they all think I like Paulie Tubbs._

The unexpected outburst tickled Halinor, and she burst out laughing. Kadma jerked up, unaware that Halinor had been dancing at the edges of her mind, desperate to hear her thoughts, her feelings.

“Halinor?”

“I'm sorry, K, it's just... it's just, they believed what they wanted to believe! I couldn't correct them if I tried!”

Kadma caught on her mouth curled into a wry smile, giving way to waves of giggles.

“I just can't understand why it is that they find it more believable for me to like _Paulie fucking Tubbs-”_ She stopped to join in Halinor's infectious laughter, wiping at her eyes, “-than to even consider the idea that I could be gone for the prettiest girl in Heatherfield.”

Halinor blushed a little, her laughter trailing off.

“You... you really think I'm the prettiest in Heatherfield? Prettier than Nerissa?”

Kadma rolled her eyes.

“Yes, but don't tell her or she'll quintessence the life right out of me.”

“I think that may be an oxymoron.”

Kadma stood, and gave Halinor a strong look.

“I'm going to the bathroom now.”

Halinor watched her blankly for a moment, before understanding dawned.

“Oh. All right.”

With a small nod, Kadma headed towards the Silver Dragon's bathrooms, and after waiting for exactly two minutes, also made her way over. Only one cubicle was occupied, and she smiled.

“K?” she ventured, knocking three times.

The door opened, and Halinor was yanked inside quickly. The lock was thrown in place, and Halinor was pulled into a crushing hug.

“I'm sorry for everything,” Kadma murmured, holding Halinor tight.

She hugged back.

“I'm sorry too, dear friend.”

They held each other for a while, soaking in how good it felt to be back together again (had it really only been four days? It felt like a lifetime), and when they parted Halinor stood up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to Kadma's cheek.

“I know things are complicated right now,” she said quietly, burying her face back into Kadma's shoulder. “Please be patient with me.”

“I can't always promise I will be,” Kadma admitted sheepishly. “You know what I'm like. But I'll try. I know none of this is easy.”

“Maybe it won't always be like this,” Halinor suggested. “But for now, we just need to tread carefully. Besides, I _like_ what you're like. You wouldn't be Kadma otherwise, and wouldn't that be miserable?”

“You're the only person I know who would miss my stubbornness,” Kadma chuckled. She pressed a kiss to Halinor's forehead. “Is that okay?”

Halinor nodded. “In private moments like this, yes, I should think so.”

“Then that settles that, let's live in this bathroom stall forever,” Kadma deadpanned. Halinor giggled, shaking her head.

“You know, nobody believes me when I tell them how funny you are. It's because your best jokes come out during moments like these, when it's just me to hear them.”

“Comedy is intimacy. You're the only person I'd ever bear my soul to on this level, you know.”

They hugged again, savouring every detail of the moment before breaking away and leaving the stall, holding hands.

“Let's pick up where we left off on the 14th?” suggested Halinor.

Their hands slipped apart as they opened the bathroom door, and to their dismay, Cassidy and Nerissa had pulled up chairs to their table and were waving them over while Yan Lin was scribbling down their orders.

“I knew that part was too good to be true,” Kadma sighed in defeat.

 


End file.
